I remember not long ago, going through every single day feeling this gross lack of self worth. I know this is somewhat common when it comes to working for yourself and building something from the ground up – when things don’t go according to plan, it’s easy to knock yourself down instead of seeing the lesson behind it all. One day, about two months ago, I decided that enough was enough and I was really tired of treating myself like this little victim who couldn’t figure anything out.
• it was exhausting to behave like that
• nothing good came from it
When these two things were paired together, my creativity lacked big time and I internalized in such a way that was damaging and it spiraled. What was really just a bump in the road with a business idea would then spin into “I feel like such a bad friend” or “I don’t deserve to get that massage” or “what am I doing with my life?”
I’m not afraid to share any of this, because I know I’m not alone here. And it doesn’t take you being a business owner or trying to create products to be able to relate. This shows up for so many of my friends who are mothering, working a 9-5 job that brings forth a ton of challenges, and even for some who are in toxic relationships and aren’t exactly sure how to get out (I’ve been there).
The good news is that through trial and error, I’ve figured out 5 surefire ways to help you feel empowered every day. No, these aren’t little hacks that you can just google and find anywhere. These are things that I’ve personally done, and do my best to do every single day in order to reach my fullest potential and to emulate the women I most admire. Think Emily Weiss, Gwenyth Paltrow or Jessica Alba. These are three of my most profound expanders and women that I look to for inspiration and motivation. I highly doubt that they spend majority of their time kicking rocks when something doesn’t go their way — on the contrary; I imagine that they get frustrated, pour a glass of wine or maybe go for a run (both work) and figure out how they’re going to approach it the second time around.
I want you to know that while I’m writing this, I’m actively taking my own advice. I recently ran into a bump in the road with something I’m working on, and I knew I had two choices:
- I could quit right then and there
- I could re-assess and see what WASN’T working and what WAS working, and figure out how to approach it from a different angle
It’s all about how we look at the big picture – are we here to feel defeated? Or are we here to learn the lessons? If you’re reading this blog, then I already know where you stand — you have zero interest in shrinking down — you want growth, in all of the ways. So let’s get started.
4 Ways To Empower Yourself Every Day
TALK TO YOURSELF LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD GIRL
Sounds strange, right? But it works. Imagine this:
A 12 year old girl walks up to you and says: “I had this idea to create necklaces made from stones from the Earth, but I only sold 2 out of the 20 that I made. I totally failed. Everyone hates my idea.”
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you wouldn’t respond with: “Yeah, you did. Why would you even think that was a good idea? You should probably stop making them all together, even though it makes you happy, and find something else more realistic.”
Doesn’t that make you cringe?
So why on EARTH are we speaking to ourselves this way? Next time you run into a snag with your business, your challenge, your mothering, your relationship/friendship, I want you to pause and pose the statement about how you feel from a 12 year old perspective. Then, I want you to give the answer as if you’re speaking to that 12 year old girl. Take that kindness and run with it. It’s the right answer.
WRITE DOWN WHAT ISN’T WORKING, AND WHAT IS
Similar to a pros and cons list, when you write down what ISN’T working followed by what IS, it gives far less power to the negative, and evens it out with the positive. By physically writing it down, it’s released from your toxic mental thought loop and becomes far less scary and aggravating when it’s put out into the Universe via paper. Re-visit or re-write this list as often as you need to.
CREATE ANYWAY. AND CREATE FOR YOURSELF FIRST
The best thing you can do to keep yourself empowered is to continue creating in whatever way that looks for you. If you made a painting and it didn’t sell, paint anyway. If you wrote a book and it didn’t sell, write anyway. If you pitched an idea to your boss and (s)he hated it, pitch another anyway. You know the quote:
“no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”?
That applies right here and now. No one has the ability to take away what feels good to deep inside your bones. If creating is what keeps you afloat, please don’t ever stop. You’ll be the one to suffer, and the world needs more of what you have to offer.
The most common hang up? When we create/execute for OTHER people first. It has to come from us, for us, before it’s released to anyone else. It’s how we stay empowered within our work and our creations, how we’re able to deliver with confidence and make others see the magic in it, too. Authenticity is the name of the game. Create anyway, and create for yourself, first.
SPEAK YOUR TRUTH
Whatever you do, don’t dumb yourself down. Speak your truth to any and all who will listen — be open and confident about what it is you want to achieve in this lifetime, and say it with power, love and confidence. This isn’t a trick to make OTHERS believe in what you’re doing (though it will), the point is to get familiar with hearing the words come out of your mouth from a true and honest place, and to then believe it YOURSELF.
Do any of these tips resonate with you? Is there something that you do every day to empower yourself? x