How To Take Back Your Self Worth

What's Your Biggest Self Worth Hold Up? Hands Portrait - The Calm Collective

This is probably one of the hardest conversations that we can have with ourselves — owning to the fact that we have little self worth, either in general or in certain areas of our lives, or at the very least – struggle with our self worth from time to time. If I had to guess, I’d say the most common is either when it comes to our appearances or our finances due to the fact that it’s fairly easy to accidentally  center so much our lives around looking a certain way, or being held at a certain measure of “success”  by societies terms.

I still struggle with the appearance one here and there (doing so much work on this and have made amazing strides), but my financial/success story has changed ten-fold as of recently.  Some of you may have heard through listening to the podcast episode with Kate Hauf of Damn Good Face Wash that I quit photography when it comes to booking lifestyle sessions. Freaking terrifying, but it was the right thing. My soul had been BEGGING me to make this change for months, as I found myself feeling almost suffocated when it came to planning out shoots for people, choosing locations, blocking out times, being away from my routine and my alignment, etc.

I knew I still wanted to use my camera, but in different ways. I wanted to use it as a way to express myself here on this blog, to take images of landscapes and calming scenarios and textures to sell over in the shop, things like that. But gone were the days where it filled me up to capture memories for other people. I don’t mean that in a selfish way, it was just that my calling shifted, as life does. I’m grateful that I was able t0 recognize it, and quite frankly REALLY proud of the fact that I closed the door on something I built for myself 7 years ago.  I knew I would take heat from other people who didn’t understand, but also knew that I now had the tools for handling that kind of heat. I knew where it was coming from. It was either projected out of fear for how that person chooses to live their life, or out of love – making sure that I would be well taken care of.

But I’m a true believer that if you embark on what your soul is calling you to do – what your insides are begging you to do, you can’t fail. 

Self Worth Pinterest Graphic - Hands Portrait - The Calm Collective

I had to completely re-write my money story (aka my self worth) when I decided to make this transition.. and instead of fearing it or treating it like the enemy – I started realizing that I already have everything that I need, and everything else that comes in is just a bonus. The other is recognizing that money is purely an energy. If I sit back and recount all the times that money has left my hands only to make it’s way right back, it’s hard to fear it and way easier to understand it. I’ve since developed a super healthy relationship with money and consider it a total gift each and every time I use it. I center it around gratitude, feeling truly grateful for when I’m able to use it to buy whatever it is I’m purchasing (healthy food, a gift for someone I love, safe skin care, a business expense to help my company thrive, etc) instead of having that fear of “this is expensive.. I shouldn’t be spending my money on this.” The truth of the matter is that when I’m mindful of my expenses, I know full well that that money is going to come right back to me. I’m not throwing it around left and right – I’m spending within my means and within my alignment. This makes all the difference.

Our self worth can become either a powerful tool or the thing that eats us up or prevents us from living. The only way it can hold us back us is when we let OTHERS tell us what our self worth, especially when it comes to our appearance or what we THINK we’re supposed to look/act like. So many of us do this (me included) – case in point: my previous relationship. I let my entire self worth be defined by what this ONE person thought of me (which turns out wasn’t all that much) and that’s totally OKAY.  It wasn’t okay at the time because I was so reliant on making this person happy, rather than the other way around. If I didn’t or I missed the mark in some way, in my mind I had failed. I wasn’t worth much. But if I did? I was at an all time high and my self worth was through the roof.

But when it crashed and burned, THAT’S when I met my true self.  It was literally like meeting a stranger. I was strong, impactful and assertive. I spoke my disappointments and my demands without skipping a beat. I remember my posture, how upright my body was and how far back I held my shoulders. I was in complete control because for the first time, I realized that the way someone treats me has nothing to do with who I am or what I deserve as a person, and everything to do with who THEY are and what they’re projecting. I love this passage by Elisa Romeo from Meet Your Soul:

“If someone is holding you under water in an attempt to drown you, the primal instinct to live surfaces as you witness your body fighting for breath. Sometimes it takes being betrayed to find our own inner loyalty. We learn about how we will not abandon ourselves because others have. We learn that we will now value our worth because our partner did not.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read that, and each time it brings chills down my spine because it’s just so damn true. I’ve been there — I’ve lived it, and I believe that in one way or another, you probably have too. And if you can’t put your finger on a moment that this has occurred, it will within your lifetime. You’ll recognize it, and I hope you’ll thank of me and this blog post. Because as I mentioned at the beginning:

YOU are the only one who is in control of your worth, and your worth should always be at an all time high — no one will fight for you the way you will, because no one knows your insides the way you do.

As always, I’m here to remind you should you need it. x

PS: Mindfulness x Self: How To Stay Mindful When You’re Easily Triggered & My (Safe) Minimal Summer Makeup

Attainable Happiness Ebook on Etsy - The Calm Collective

Have you seen the Attainable Happiness E-book/Workbook that went live last week? It’s 32 pages of my own personal stories not shared here on this blog, and how I overcame my obstacles to get to a place of JOY and alignment. My goal with TCC is to always share with you the tools that work for me, and this e-book/workbook is the first of many.

Mindful Memos To Do List by The Calm Collective


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