Good morning, friends. I woke up in my own bed today, processing a significant loss in my family yesterday morning. My Grandpa joined my dad on the other side, and while it’s such a tremendous loss for all of us, he lived such a full, beautiful and profound life here on Earth. As it always goes with grief, it loops. All day yesterday I found myself in a numbing state. Almost floating. Not much to say, not able to process much – and today I’m just feeling such intense gratitude for the time I had him in my life.
So with all of that being said, lets jump into today’s gratitude list. I’m going to skip the weekend links as that just isn’t sitting well with my intuition. I’m not much in the mood to parooze websites today :)
A LITTE GRATITUE LIST
• My recent trip to Florida. Last month on a whim, I flew out to Florida. I was going through some serious anxiety after my relationship ended (this was before the first blog post went live after my hiatus), moving into a new apartment, and having this overwhelming feeling that I needed to see my Grandpa. That time with him is something I will never, ever regret. Not only did I gain perspective on what truly matters (health, first and foremost – and bonding with those we love), but I was able to re-live certain moments of what it felt like to take care of my dad while he was battling cancer. There were so many flashbacks, and while some might think that this would be a trigger or put me into a tizzy of sadness, those moments were truly the greatest honor of my life. Being able to scratch my Grandpa’s back, stroke his cheek because he said that it felt nice, to feed him meals because he isn’t able to feed himself – all of these things. They’re why I’m so grateful to be on this Earth.. to be able to take care of the people that I love (and knowing how to balance that with taking care of myself in the process. Therein lies the big lesson)
• My fall playlist & dancing around my apartment. I know I’ve already shared this with you guys a few times, but I’m LOVING it so much. Something about the songs I’ve curated for this season are landing so well for me, and I’m not kidding when I say that I’m dancing to this song every. single. morning.
• My new yoga studio. I’ve been manifesting and imaging a super healing yoga studio for some time now, and wouldn’t you know it.. in my mailbox lands a flier for a studio just around the corner. $20 for 2 weeks unlimited yoga for first time students. So I walked myself over there the other day and immediately let out a huge exhale. The space is MAGICAL. It’s a super old building with floor to ceiling windows, flooding with natural light, everything is white, and there’s even a fireplace in the front yoga room. I did a 1.5 hour “mindful vinyasa” (made for me) and I’m not even embarrassed to tell you that I quietly cried through the whole thing. Yoga is so powerful when you’re mind & body really need it.
• Laughing. I know.. cliché. But seriously. Last weekend I had dinner with my girlfriend Devin, and I was quite literally in pain from laughing so hard. My cheeks hurt, I think I felt my abs appear (JK but that would be nice), and I just left feeling so fulfilled and heart-full. Isn’t it weird to think that there are some days (a lot of days, actually) that we go through life without laughing? I might smile or let out a little laugh if I’m watching Friends or read something funny, but full blown laughter where you’re tear ducts take over? That’s the good stuff. That’s the medicine. More please. (Love you, Dev)
• Connecting with strangers. This past week I had an encounter that stopped me in my tracks and just made me feel insanely grateful. I went to the aforementioned yoga class and it was just me and this girl Katie (we introduced ourselves, clearly) and the instructor Madison for the first 10 minutes or so. Madison had asked me if there was anything I needed to share or wanted to focus on. I just said that my soul needed some movement and I needed to tune into some breath work, that I was feeling heavy in the heart space, and needed to release some tension. I started getting teary eyed due to overwhelm from the week. I looked to my right where Katie was sitting, and she was looking right at me. It sounds weird, but I think we both just understood each other in that moment. Once class ended, Madison told us all that there was going to be a meet & greet at the studio with local healers who were going to show up to offer any guidance from 6-8 (they do this on the first Friday of every month). Immediately Katie and I looked at each other and she said, “do you want to go?”
Hell yeah. Let’s heal.
It’s one of the coolest things that I’m opening myself up to – allowing myself to connect with total strangers. Up until a few months ago, I realized how ingrained I was in just keeping to myself or thinking the thought: “I have enough friends”. Smiling and making light eye contact while walking down the street, sure. But lately I’ve been that person starting conversations out of the blue, asking questions that don’t include “what do you do for a living?” I’ve just been feeling really drawn to getting to know people outside of my circle – to expand my surroundings and challenge my introverted ways.