Gray Mock Turtleneck Tee (I also have it in this color) • Green Velvet Crop Pants (SO comfortable and also comes in this color) • Tan Mules (love these so much and super affordable) • Earrings • Stone Ring • Rope Ring • Coffee Mug
When I first started out on this journey towards living a more intentional, calm lifestyle – it was because I was doing the opposite, and it was starting to chip away at my quality of life. I’d spent the last half of my 20’s in constant stress as my dad went through chemo and radiation, operations, remission and back again.
I was always glued to my phone.
Anytime it rang I’d age about a year and get at least 5 gray hairs. I was a mess, and though it was all out of love, it was killing me slowly. My face was infused with painful acne, I would go through spurts where I would be losing weight rapidly, and then gaining it back sans muscle. I’d have phases where I couldn’t sleep a wink and I’d be delirious throughout my days – always staying on high alert and living in fear, and then I would sleep for what felt like 22 hours a day.
There was no real balance.
After he passed away, the same sort of behaviors continued except this time I was in deep mourning. The sleeping was still off, I was losing weight fast, I was frazzled and sensitive and broken. I was turning to alcohol and compulsive shopping to cure the void of the loss I hadn’t expected. I didn’t know which way was up, I had zero motivation to fix anything in my life, and quite honestly all I wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and be numb.
SO FOR A WHILE THERE, THAT’S WHAT I DID.
And then you reach a point, as we all do as humans, where you’re tired of being tired. You decide that even amongst the pain, even though it hurts like hell to go outside and interact with strangers who are oblivious to what’s happening in your world, you choose to make a change. Mine stemmed from thinking about my future and knowing in my heart of hearts, I wanted to be happy. I wanted my old self back – the one that came before cancer. I was care free, organized, artistic, funny. These were the things I loved most about myself (and still do!) So I started there.
Each day I would work on bringing these qualities back into my life – whether it was taking a day to read outside (sans guilt), painting (even though my medium is photography and writing – I’d do that, too), decluttering my space, getting in touch with my alignment, and little things like watching Friends where I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid laughing.
IT ALL SEEMED SIMPLE ENOUGH, BUT SLOWLY AND SURELY IT WAS MAKING AN IMPACT.
My relationship at the time was toxic at best – I was trying so hard to convince myself that it’s where I was supposed to be out of love, due to the 5 year commitment – but in fact, it was one of the main reasons I wasn’t able to reach self-induced happiness for quite some time. Once that ended in 2016, I soared almost immediately. It just goes to show us that the relationships in our lives are so crucial to our mental health, well being and overall happiness, and that the Universe will give you exactly what you ask for, if you’re up for listening (and trusting).
This platform quickly grew into so much more than a lifestyle blog. It truly has become my recovery mode. It’s a space where I began sharing my own personal story – my aches, my pains, my voids.. and you all have chimed in over the years to tell me yours – to remind me that I’m not alone, that my words have impact, and that as a community we’re so much stronger together.
I am so incredibly thankful that you’re here.